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Healthy Relationship and Marriage

  • 14 August 2010

I am a 62 year old woman who has been married to the same man for over 44 years. I’ll admit, it hasn’t been easy. We’ve had some difficult times but I believe we’ve made it this far because of our base values.

My husband and I see marriage as building a life together, and a home and family. By so doing, we create a legacy that we feel blessed to have lived. We were not perfect parents nor perfect mates. We’ve made mistakes, many of them, but we’ve learned from them and changed.

Many people seem to not understand marriage the way we do. They think marriage is about sex and about having someone take care of their needs.

Some women see marriage as having children and husbands who do everything for them and treat them like queens. They don’t understand that marriage and a lasting relationship is really the other way around. Loving family members and doing things for them because they are loved makes a bond between them that is difficult to break.

In other words, caring for each other’s needs and loving each other unconditionally creates a strong bond between family members, especially between spouses.

Fidelity to a spouse does not come from loyalty, it comes from deep within the soul. That’s not going to happen when there is a spouse who is spoiled and demanding.

I do not understand nor appreciate people who expect a mate to be the person they want when they are not that type of person themselves.

A women, who is expecting a man to provide her what she wants and needs but is unwilling to give him the same attention, is just plain selfish and self-serving.

Her selfish and demanding expectations will NOT lead to happiness. The same story is true of a man who has these same characteristics and expectations.

My goal for this site is to be a venue for men and women to learn how to be with each other for the right reasons and learn how to change bad habits that they identify as their own.

I hope your comments will relate to experiences. Tell us how you or someone you know came to know that healthy relationships rest on more than the frosting or the beautiful outside adornment of a person.

I was 8th in the Miss Teenage San Francisco beauty pageant in 1964 or 65, a model for McCall and Montgomery Wards, and a Pacesetter model for my high school. A Pacesetter model wore new cloths to school from Montgomery Wards to set new trends with teenage girls. I tell you this so you understand that I know about frosting and being beautiful.

My husband was very good looking and never had a problem getting girls, but he was put off by most of them. He wanted a girl that was good looking without a lot of makeup and could carry on an intelligent conversation.

Also, he was looking for someone with values and commitment. Those qualities he found in me. I wanted the same qualities in a husband and so I would not date anyone that I could not consider marrying.

We protected our relationship by not having sex before marriage. We wanted to trust each other and could not do that if we did not have the commitment with each other to wait until marriage for sex.

If we broke this commitment, then we knew that it would be possible in the future for one of us to break our marriage vows with infidelity. We knew our family, our children, did not deserve that type of life and so we protected our chastity by obeying personal guidelines we set for our relationship.

I’m not saying that you have to do what we did, but being faithful in the future is a lot easier when you’ve never broken the commitment you made to yourself and each other. Once you do, it is extremely difficult to trust each other later.

I hear comments all the time from a women who has a fear of commitment to a man because she doesn’t think he will be faithful to her and make her life miserable. Sometimes, I have men ask me if I think their fiancée will be faithful. If they trusted, they would not have to ask me.

Marriage and relationships are important when we make them important to us. If the person you are in a relationship is not important to you then why are you in the relationship? What is the payoff? If it is NOT a healthy relationship then you have to have a reason to be in it. I hope you realize that such a relationship will only lead to heartache and pain.

You are better than that type of relationship. You have a reason for being here and you have a purpose to fulfill. You DO NOT deserve to be mistreated, so don’t allow it. Get the help you need to get out of such a situation safely.

If you need to know that you are worth being treated with respect, then call a hotline in your area for abuse or get in touch with my friends at this blog site http://safeingodshands.ning.com/. They will put you in contact with someone to help you find your worth and know that your life has a purpose.

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