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Relationships

Social Friendships

  • Posted on September 28, 2010 at 6:35 pm

I belonged to several social sites and gathered many friends, who have blessed my life.

Each friendship provides value in one way or another and affects me a different ways. Some friends are the kind you know you can turn to, even if they are only virutal, and those you know will support you when you need them.

Others are friends in name only and never interact with me. You know about those types of friends don’t you? One time I remembered one of my friend’s birthday who never interacts with me, and then all of a sudden he started to communicate with me on a regular basis.

I had another friend who was very distant and accepted my friendship but never responded to any of my comments or communications. When I found the right button he opened right up and started checking back to me also.

I am sure you know what I mean because you have experienced the same thing on soda head. You know who you friends are don’t you, and you know who say they are friends but flee the minute you need them? Those friends you keep in a different circle of trust.

Some friends are only “Fair Weather” friends and others are the kind who are there through thick and thin, through rain or shine, and through stormy or peaceful times. Fair weather friends add their own degree of blessings for sure, but the ones who are dear to us are the ones who are there for thick and thin and stormy whether.

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Healthy Relationship and Marriage

  • Posted on August 14, 2010 at 10:24 pm

I am a 62 year old woman who has been married to the same man for over 44 years. I’ll admit, it hasn’t been easy. We’ve had some difficult times but I believe we’ve made it this far because of our base values.

My husband and I see marriage as building a life together, and a home and family. By so doing, we create a legacy that we feel blessed to have lived. We were not perfect parents nor perfect mates. We’ve made mistakes, many of them, but we’ve learned from them and changed.

Many people seem to not understand marriage the way we do. They think marriage is about sex and about having someone take care of their needs.

Some women see marriage as having children and husbands who do everything for them and treat them like queens. They don’t understand that marriage and a lasting relationship is really the other way around. Loving family members and doing things for them because they are loved makes a bond between them that is difficult to break.

In other words, caring for each other’s needs and loving each other unconditionally creates a strong bond between family members, especially between spouses.

Fidelity to a spouse does not come from loyalty, it comes from deep within the soul. That’s not going to happen when there is a spouse who is spoiled and demanding.

I do not understand nor appreciate people who expect a mate to be the person they want when they are not that type of person themselves.

A women, who is expecting a man to provide her what she wants and needs but is unwilling to give him the same attention, is just plain selfish and self-serving.

Her selfish and demanding expectations will NOT lead to happiness. The same story is true of a man who has these same characteristics and expectations.

My goal for this site is to be a venue for men and women to learn how to be with each other for the right reasons and learn how to change bad habits that they identify as their own.

I hope your comments will relate to experiences. Tell us how you or someone you know came to know that healthy relationships rest on more than the frosting or the beautiful outside adornment of a person.

I was 8th in the Miss Teenage San Francisco beauty pageant in 1964 or 65, a model for McCall and Montgomery Wards, and a Pacesetter model for my high school. A Pacesetter model wore new cloths to school from Montgomery Wards to set new trends with teenage girls. I tell you this so you understand that I know about frosting and being beautiful.

My husband was very good looking and never had a problem getting girls, but he was put off by most of them. He wanted a girl that was good looking without a lot of makeup and could carry on an intelligent conversation.

Also, he was looking for someone with values and commitment. Those qualities he found in me. I wanted the same qualities in a husband and so I would not date anyone that I could not consider marrying.

We protected our relationship by not having sex before marriage. We wanted to trust each other and could not do that if we did not have the commitment with each other to wait until marriage for sex.

If we broke this commitment, then we knew that it would be possible in the future for one of us to break our marriage vows with infidelity. We knew our family, our children, did not deserve that type of life and so we protected our chastity by obeying personal guidelines we set for our relationship.

I’m not saying that you have to do what we did, but being faithful in the future is a lot easier when you’ve never broken the commitment you made to yourself and each other. Once you do, it is extremely difficult to trust each other later.

I hear comments all the time from a women who has a fear of commitment to a man because she doesn’t think he will be faithful to her and make her life miserable. Sometimes, I have men ask me if I think their fiancée will be faithful. If they trusted, they would not have to ask me.

Marriage and relationships are important when we make them important to us. If the person you are in a relationship is not important to you then why are you in the relationship? What is the payoff? If it is NOT a healthy relationship then you have to have a reason to be in it. I hope you realize that such a relationship will only lead to heartache and pain.

You are better than that type of relationship. You have a reason for being here and you have a purpose to fulfill. You DO NOT deserve to be mistreated, so don’t allow it. Get the help you need to get out of such a situation safely.

If you need to know that you are worth being treated with respect, then call a hotline in your area for abuse or get in touch with my friends at this blog site http://safeingodshands.ning.com/. They will put you in contact with someone to help you find your worth and know that your life has a purpose.

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A Reason For The Acquaintance

  • Posted on August 6, 2010 at 6:17 pm

CLICK HERE TO WATCH A VIDEO

It’s true that people come into our lives for a reason. I have had such relationships and have grown from all of them. Sometimes people are there for us and other times we are there for them.

One of those friends was Brenda. She had a sweet spirit that I thought I could trust. I thought I was a good judge of character, and as it turned out, I was. I helped her get her feet planted back on the ground and to have a quiet place to heal from a dysfunctional life that she was escaping.

She is black and I’m white so this was a good experience for me. I was able to learn a lot about her and racism. I can’t believe how close we became. I have not really had a good friend since I was in high school. We did lots of things together, which I missed greatly when she left. I think of the friendship I would have missed out on if I had not invited her to come and stay. We developed a friendship that will last a long time.

She was able to prosper while she stayed with me. I showed her that she had value and that she provided a blessing in my life. I miss her but she was able to return home as a healthier person. She wrote an article titled “Judy’s Wounded Bird Flies Home”. I had made a real difference in Brenda’s life and she had made a difference in mine as well.

I hope you will remember my story when someone comes into your life in some way. Let that experience bless you both.

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Odd Friendships

  • Posted on July 25, 2010 at 2:33 pm

I love this video. It is so cute and I think it does a good job of showing all kinds of friendships. I think you’ll love it too!

Perhaps you will click on the YouTube logo and get the embedded code or the link to share it with others.

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Marriage

  • Posted on July 23, 2010 at 7:56 pm

This story explains the concept of “More Than Frosting” better than anything I can say. Pay attention to how the husband felt about his wife when he said he wanted a divorce and how unemotional he was about it.

As the husband realized later, emotions were missing because intimacy was missing for a long time. They were just living their lives without true intimacy. Sex is NOT intimacy just as frosting isn’t food. Intimacy is the staple for a good relationship, sex is just the glue that helps keep marriages together when their in difficulties to overcome, but it is not the meat of the relationship…intimacy is the meat and potatoes of a good marriage!

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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Did you notice the main message in this story? It was the life they lived together that he remembered and is what brought him closer to his wife…it’s just too bad it took him so long to figure it out. Look at all the wasted time he spent with Jane when he could have spent it developing more intimacy with his wife.

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The Heart of a Friend

  • Posted on May 16, 2010 at 7:03 pm

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What kind of friend are you for those who love you? Is your heart one of friendship or of selfishness and self-centered? What do you want from your friends that you are not willing to give back?

I want to be loved, I want to be appreciated, I want to be important to someone?  Is this the same thing you want? Is this the same thing you are willing to be for your friendships as well?

Life is precious when we learn how to enjoy the simple things that we have right in front of us. Those we love are the only ones who really matter in life. We need to cherish those things we hold dear and not abuse them.

Are you beginning to appreciate what “More Than Frosting” means to you? I hope so? I hope you love with the right heart and bless the lives of those around you because of the heart inside you want to do so. I would love to hear your story and how a change of heart changed your life. If you want to share it with me, and give me permission to include it in my book, let me know.

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Most Beautiful Things About Women

  • Posted on May 16, 2010 at 1:40 pm

To summarize, it is amazing how women are so wonderfully giving and loving. Their love is unconditional and forever. And once they forgive, they really forget.

A Woman is wonderful:  she is giving; she is gentile; she smiles with her heart and speaks with her eyes; she blushes when she wants you; she never passes judgment; she is loving, with unconditional love; she is forgiving, sensual, and nurturing; she is understanding; she is intoxicating.

In contrast, we often see women portrayed as sexy, voluptuous, attractive with sexy bodies, sexually inviting, good lays, and not very intelligent. This is actually demeaning to womanhood and to their creation. Women used to be put on a pedestal and admired for her special qualities, which are now thought of as old-fashioned.

Qualities for which women were admired in the past  include their intuitive and spiritual abilities, their purity and wholesomeness, their natural ability to be a good cook, a good homemaker and caring wife. She was also recognized for her frugality: she knew how to cook good meals out of almost nothing; she could sew new outfits and mend socks;  she knew how to knit and crochet, tat lace, and embroider pillowcases and towels.  These qualities are rarely admired in women today; in fact, these qualities are all but lost in the modern woman. Now she is a career woman and competes with men for recognition.

I would like to see women return to the values for which men used to put her on a pedestal. These women provided value to society other than the sex that they are known for today. As a result, women have been devalued and sexuality is all they are good for now. This is sad, and so our youth are deprived of their womanhood because their mothers no longer teach these characteristics in the home. Men are partially to blame for this situation.

Men have forsaken women who posses these values and characteristics, and replaced them with the sexual pervasive. Thus, out of necessity, women have had to enter the work force in order to care for themselves and their families. They must become a wage-earner plus the mom, an uncomfortable place to be for most women. She can’t be the woman she wants to be because she has not the energy or the time to be a homemaker, a wage-earner, and all the other hats she is forced to wear. Children grow up seeing a different role model than older women had as a child. Sadly, women lose the skills and characteristics of past generations and men begin remodeling today’s woman.

How many young women today know how to keep a clean house, cook good and nutritious meals, or sew, knit, crochet, and tat lace? How many men look for women with these characteristics? How many men really look for sex appeal in a women instead of her values?

I think I’ve made my point. Perhaps you can help me change this situation. Older women can adopt a young women and teach her what she is missing in society today. Teach her to preserve and can foods. Teach her to sew and mend her own clothes, and how to crochet and knit her own sweaters, scarfes, and ponchos. Teach her the tricks of the trade in being a good housewife and mother. Can you do that for our young women today?

Young women, would you please find someone to adopt as your grandma and ask her to teach you these things? And would you commit to living a more wholesome lifestyle that cause men to put you on a pedestal as being different than most women they know…and makes you special? Will you pass along what you learn to other young women and be an example to them? Thank you dear, I appreciate your efforts.

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The Miracle Of Friendship

  • Posted on May 12, 2010 at 2:00 am

This type of relationship is what I am talking about when I say you need more than frosting. Developing a deep and lasting relationship with people should be based on more than their appearance. It should be based on how they make you feel, especially when you need a friend.

Does your love interest meet the standard of relationship shown in the videos above?

If not, then why do you waste your time with him or her?

Why have you not recognized that you want more from your relationship than the one you have now?

What do you plan to do about it?


It is important to understand why we want to be around the people in our lives and know  why we love them.

  • What is it about them that we cherish?
  • If we cannot find something about them that we cherish, which is not associated with sex appeal, then perhaps we are living a shallow life.

Living a shallow life is like the frosting on a cake; it  is sweet but has no substance . We want to enjoy the beauty, smell, flavor, and texture of a good cake. We want to take in the full pleasure of the cake, which offers us much more than just beautiful frosting with all the trimmings.

However, sometimes our taste changes. For some reason, the relationships we have become unsatisfying. Perhaps we’ve discovered our own shallowness or we recognize the emptiness we feel in the relationship. For whatever reason, we realize the time has come to move on.

There is a time and a season for every purpose under heaven.  Use this principle as you watch this next video and consider your present relationships.


Why are you still in the relationship when you are not as happy as you should be? Could it be caused from low self-esteem and self-worth? If so, watch this video and see if you don’t feel better afterwards.

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Affiliated Links

  • Posted on April 4, 2010 at 1:13 am

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Secrets Of A Happy Life

  • Posted on March 31, 2010 at 1:58 am

I Still Know Who She Is…

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided since I wasn’t busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On examining it I saw it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while! As she is a victim of Alzheimer’s disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now. I was surprised and asked him, ‘And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?’ He smiled as he patted my hand and said, ‘She doesn’t know me but I still know who she is.’

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm and thought, ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life. True love is neither physical nor romantic’. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about, as I just did.

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm but how to dance in the rain.

The road to success is not straight.

  • There is a curve called Failure,
  • a loop called Confusion,
  • speed bumps called Friends,
  • red lights called Enemies,
  • caution lights called Family.
  • You will have flats called Jobs.
  • But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Almighty God, you will make it to a place called Success…

I remember you!!!

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